Let’s Talk About…Machetes
Today’s topic: Machetes.
Rule of Thumb: Two Machetes are Better than One
You say dangerous weapon most frequently found in slasher flicks. I say super-useful accessory for only the most savvy third world dweller.
Case in point: Here in Nicaragua, machetes abound. They are everywhere. You literally cannot drive down the road without seeing machetes jauntily swinging from the belts of men, women, and – I’m not kidding – sometimes children.
Let’s talk about the benefits of the machete:
1) Machetes are cheap and readily available. I did a bit of mystery shopping and the cheapest one I saw was US$2.84, and the most expensive was US$4.32.
Machetes: Cheaper than Toilet Paper
2) Machetes are great for assisting with any and all sorts of manual labor, including but not limited to farming, construction, and slash-and-burn land clearing.
Machetes: Helpful for Cutting Down All of those Pesky Trees that Keep Growing
3) Darwin tells us that only the strongest survive, and what better to enhance your chances of coming out on top in the process of natural selection than to carry the biggest machete that you could possibly find?
This Machete is Practically a Sword. Do not Mess With This Guy.
4) Machetes are great for hacking into any of the delicious-yet-hard-to-open fruits that are abundant in this neck of the woods.
Coconut + Machete = Refreshing Snack
5) Going fishing? Don’t forget your machete! You’ll need it to clean the fish.
Gone Fishing...With My Machete
6) At times, life in the rural parts of Nicaragua (or any developing country, for that matter), can feel a bit like an episode of Man vs. Wild. What better to protect yourself with than an enormous machete?
Say Hello to My Little...Machete
Unfortunately, machetes are firmly positioned on the no-fly list, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it back to the States with one. However, I am sure there are more developing nations in this MBAdventurer’s future, and I feel fairly confident that my machete knowledge will serve me well.
I’m glad we talked about that.
Birthday Present for Parker? Check.
Not a bad present if I do say so myself. They are great multiuse tools for more general things.
Ahh that is so thoughtful! I promise I will pretend to be surprised.
What a cultural statement: I would be more than moderately ALARMED at the mere sight of a machete in my daily life!
Interesting — I’m glad you shared and opened my eyes this morning!
Thanks, Mikalee!
I love machetes-
though I am Nigerian, so it’s really just a lawn mower to me- lol
Cheaper than toilet paper, but please do not mistake for toilet paper.
Wiser words were never spoken. Noted!
My tenure in Belize taught me that the most dangerous thing in the jungle is a gringo with a machete…
You can get it back to the US, they just won’t let you take it into the cabin. You have to check it and declare it, but it can go (at least it could when I was there, but that was pre-911).
When my dad worked at a greenhouse, he and his buddy there had hand-made machetes that they used all day at work. One day, after a lot of sweating amongst the plants, they headed over to a little carnival that was in town. One of the rides involved little round containers that you climbed into, which then were spun every which way around a ferris wheel. Well, they had forgotten to remove their machetes and, along with all the change in their pockets, those started flying around the container! My dad said it was the most exciting ride of his life. He doesn’t carry a machete anymore, though…
Yikes! Glad no one got hurt…I can see how that would cause someone to retire their machete
Great post. Maybe I should carry around a big machete. No one would mess with me, except maybe the police. They might not like someone running around with a large sharp object in a populated area of the American Midwest.
Hm, yeah the police might not love that….
What an incredible creative way to point out one of those characteristics that can lead to sterotyping the latin/hipano culture. Great post!
Thanks, mafaldaincanada!
Perhaps I ought to buy one
Wasn’t it Paul Hogan who said “Now THAT”S a knife”.
yes i think it was, in crocodile 2? or was it 1 hmm
Pity it won’t help him against the tax man ¦[
that wasn’t a machete, though, more like a bowie knife
“Two Machetes are Better than One” Love that line. And so fitting for a morning read.
Thanks, Andie! Glad I helped to brighten your morning. I appreciate your reading my blog!
Hey there! I just wanted to say that I love the fun in your blog. I went to Honduras and bought a machete to bring back. They didn’t say anything back then about me packing it in my luggage; I just had to claim it upon re-entering the States!!! It looks good hanging on my wall, though sometimes I want to use to chop down tree limbs (jk).
Hey Jeremy, thanks for reading! I’m seriously considering trying to make it back with one…I’ll obviously update everyone on how it goes
Point three made my day! A machete would definitely increase your chances of survival. A never knew they were that cheap either, because what use do I have with a machete as an inner city dweller
Hey Finally Fast, I’m glad you liked it. Darwin definitely forgot to consider the “machete factor” when coming up with the theory of natural selection!
You don’t need to be in a developing nation to find a machete useful. I live in Michigan, in a suburb of Detroit, not out in the country. I keep a machete in the garage with other hand tools; hoe, shovel, hedge clippers, and so on.
I use it in the yard on bushes, junk trees, grapevines and the like. I had a cheap one that I bought from the “camping supplies” section. The next year, I replaced it with a $20 one with a guard around the fingers. The new one has much better steel; stays sharper, much more useful. The finger guard allows me to hang it on a nail. Up to about a 1″ diameter limb, I’d rather use the machete instead of an axe or saw.
I haven’t had any occasion that could be called a struggle for survival, unless you count me versus the grapevines. So far that’s a draw.
Hey transitionferndale, thanks for the comment! Your comment, along with several others, has inspired me to try to make it back to the States with my very own machete. Wish me luck! And, obviously, good luck to you with the grapevines…
Do you count the headless bodies? Machetes for all!!!
Amen to machetes! I’ve lived in both Vietnam and Haiti, where the machete was the tool of choice! Great post and congrats on being FP-ed!
Kathy
Thanks, Kathy!
now come on and tell me just where you live and I’ll make sure that I never visit that place.
Gosh what a dangerous looking weapon.
a tool for some, a weapon for some – depends on you, doesn’t it?
I think the average Nicaraguan might be surprised at how many first-world corporate decisions would also be greatly simplified with the appropriate application of a machete …
Agreed… I don’t know why you don’t see them in many board rooms.
I love my machete! Traveled all through Mexico and always had one with me. Works great in suburban So Cal for cutting palm fronds into shorter lengths. My neighbors look at me a bit funny though.
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Machetes are certainly useful and inexpensive tools, but they are hard on hand, wrist, elbow, and shoulder joints. Think tennis elbow with a virulent vengeance.
Knowing how, when and where to use a machete can reduce injury to those joints.
Don’t use one all day until you have become acclimated to such use.
Don’t use one where an ax is more suitable.
Learn how to hold and swing one, and especially at the moment of impact, to minimize shock to tendons and joints.
Anyone who can use one all day long, day after day, deserves respect and liberation.
The filipino machete has a bent blade for that exact reason, I believe
Very true. Many machetes because they’re so cheaply and poorly made do not have the best grip/handles and can give a user blisters and hand/wrist issues with overuse.
Your caution about large branches and such is also true. Though I have often used mine as an axe.
Don’t mess with the lady with two Machetes! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.
Maybe you can get it through in checked luggage. My husband and I live in the US but he’s from El Salvador and we have a machete
Not sure how it got through customs, but no Salvadoran home (wherever they may live), is complete without one 
Enjoyed the post. Really funny.
Oh, yeah….I lived in Mexico as a teenager and became accustomed to the sight of men, everywhere, with these huge pieces of very sharp metal at their sides. Not sure if I would want one myself, but, as you wisely note, they do come in handy!
I like your article. I inherited a machete from my dad. I think he used it to clear brush. I occasionally use it for that at my house. I live in Washington state, not Nicaragua, ha, ha. Do you think they would let you take a machete in your check in luggage that goes in cargo?
Nice. You have a good start on the subject, random is good in many ways.
Just don’t try and use them against zombies…
I thought machetes were one of the only things that could actually kill zombies?
Don’t leave home without it, eh? ha. Cute post. congrats on Freshly Pressed.
Thanks, Jennifer!
You had me laughing this morning. Random (and I like random!) but still a part of the life there. . .
Hey imaginecreation, I am so happy to have given you a chuckle…thank you for reading!
Machete is very useful a handy tool with many uses. Good blog !!!
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I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Latin America, and definitely found my machete to be an indespensible companion. I WAS able to bring it back to the States, in my checked luggage. Give it a try. As long as it fits in the suitcase you shouldn’t have any trouble!
Hey RPCV, thanks for letting me know!
I need a machete to cut back the ridiculously tall grass in our yard. Thanks for the idea! Much more ecological than any of the weed-eaters I can think of. Except maybe a goat . . .
Ah yes, it’s definitely a toss up between a machete and a goat. The machete will be more impressive to your neighbors, but the goat requires less manual labor on your part. Hmm… conundrum…
Hilarious! Looks similar to the Phillipines.
First, Congrats on being “Freshly Pressed” today.
Second,thanks for having this chat about Machetes! They are under used here in the USA. My husband brought me one as a gift for gardening use years ago (Yes , I too am a little on the weird side)It works as good or better than my lopping pruners, way better on sticky ferns and banana trees here in Southern California. 33 years ago he also bought me a “survival” knife ,the kind with a compass on the handle and all kinds of useful things inside and a very sharp yet serated blade outside, he was a trusting soul!
I still use that knife too!
No worries about the No-fly with machete rule, you can get another at Harbor Freight for around $5 on sale!
Hey uberrhund, thanks so much for the nice comment. I was so excited to be on FP! Keep on using that machete with pride!
What a great post! Here in Colombia, machetes are THE accessory (for rural fashion) and there are different models depending on who will use it and how. It’s like a Latino Swiss Army knife!
Random and wild topic is my favorite in blogging! It’s relieving in some way.
Probably one of the best survival tools out there… funny post too, cheaper than tp lol
Nothing says fun like a Machete! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Loved this entry!
Hey there I was told there would be no math, thank you so much! I was pumped to get on FP… huge honor! Thank you for reading!
Forget the no-fly list! I bought a machete and several knives in China in 2002, packed them in my luggage (check-in, NOT carry-on!) passing security in Urumqi and Beijing as well as having no problems once I arrived stateside and retrieved my bag (with a layover and change of planes stateside before arriving home).
I bought my Chinese machete at an open-air market. I probably paid $4-5 US for it after haggling. The vendor originally wanted well over 100 Yuan, eventually running after me and catching me when I wouldn’t pay less than 50 Yuan. I paid him with a 100 Yuan bill.
Haggling in foreign markets is fun and cheap. Bringing home a useful weapon from overseas? Priceless.
That machete is still used 9 years later and when sharpened is quite capable of cutting through inch thick plus saplings, brush and young trees.
Ask around. You may well have no problems bringing such a machete home – though I suspect you can easily find very similar machetes stateside (though they won’t be as cheap). My machete does not look like any normal American one – it looks like an overexaggerated version of Rambo’s utility Bowie knife – with Chinese writing!
If only I had a machete this morning when I had bagel stuck in my tooth. I might have cut my lip, but at least my bagel would have been set free!
I love your post! I have also found it fascinating when I have seen locals so happily swinging a machete about! Great and useful when ina jungle though it seems!
Machetes make a great garden tool for chopping massive plant roots or hacking back monstrous bushes! It’s versatile in so many other ways too–at least that’s what I have learned from my next door neighbour. In my opinion, it’s the “no nonsense tool for all your gardening needs”.
very interesting blog topic! i dig it
Thanks, Eva!!
Suddenly, I want to move to Nicaragua.
You should!
Nice!
OMG… that is so first-aid waiting to happen….
Great post. I lived in Bolivia for a couple years and helped build a house for 7 people. The only tool we used was a single machete. That includes gathering of materials, construction, and finishing. It’s amazingly versatile.
Hey Jonathan, you’re right about the versatility factor – I am ever amazed by these tools. Such a good investment!
We have one in our shed. I have no idea where it came from. Looks cool though. We should probably have it in the house now that I think about it.
Waves of Machete-obsessiveness are infecting everyone all over the world D;
Control Machete
Last summer a three-foot copperhead emerged from my flower bed and headed straight for me. Several other people in my neighborhood reported seeing copperheads as well. I decided it was time to buy rubber boots and a machete to do yard work. Well, my machete won’t cut hot butter. I don’t think it would be too useful in fighting off a snake so it’s hanging there in my garage. People seem to wonder why I have a machete!
Your right, and the juice from a coconut tastes infinitely better when cracked open with a machete.
fabulous! i’ll be sure to write down “1. machete” on my list of things needed if i ever visit nicaragua. thanks!
No problem, Brown Sugar Britches. Thanks for reading!
Nice! Me and my mate are travelling in Central America at the moment and have been saying to people that forget what the lonely planets suggests for staying safe, just get a machete.
Great Post, enjoyed it even more having just posted about Nicaragua myself.
Tom
Hey tom12399, totally agree that Lonely Planet needs to update their “Staying Safe” section. Maybe we could start a petition? Enjoy your travels!
Can’t you stick one in your suitcase? After reading this I don’t know how one could live without one!!!
awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theat was cool I wishI could have a one like that.
Actually you can still put one in your luggage, bought one back from Mexico to Canada. I was surprise they did not confiscate it. Maybe just lucky. But a student here also bought two back on two different trips. Unfortuatenly not a lot of use for me here in the great white north.
I bought a machete in Mexico and got it home in my checked bag. Should be no problem. Definitely worth a shot; you never know when a good machete will come in handy.
When we lived in Managua our gardener used to cut the grass with a machete, and the lawn was not small. He’d move across it bent over, sweeping the razor-sharp blade back and forth, and could cut it in a surprisingly small time.
We felt sorry for him and bought him a gas-powered lawn mower, but he never really liked it. Before long, he was back to the machete.
Ha that’s really funny…I guess you just go with what you’re used to!
Machetes are all over the Democratic Republic of Congo and Malawi, where I used to live. Congratulations on a very interesting blog. You could hire a man in the DRC to be a “slasher,” to slash your grass to smithereens.
Hey marysuemakin, thanks for the nice comment! I’ll definitely keep the slashers in mind in case I ever need my grass cut in the DRC
we call it “GOLOK”. looks like chopper.
In all seriousness, I don’t own any weapons, except for the machete hanging in my room…
Good for many possible events even other than zombie apocalypses. Great article.
Hey Joe, I’m so glad you have a machete in your room in the event of a zombie attack. Stay vigilant!
Haha, hey you can never be too safe. Plus, it actually does come in handy if you wanna explore the woods in my backyard. We have close to a hundred acres and Long Island gets some of the highest rainfall totals in the country so a lot of the older trails have a lot of undergrowth to get through. Plus, you can never be too prepared for zombie deer
Yeah! I can relate – lived in Paua New Guinea for 9 years and same story there – everyone has there own machete aka bush knife. The kids take them to school and use them to cut the grass on the footy / soccer field. The adults use them to open coconuts and for firewood. The ‘rascals (thieves) use them for more dangerous liasons. All in all a very well used piece of equipment.
Hey suncoastdreaming, thanks so much for your comment. I can’t imagine cutting grass with a machete!! Talk about tough work!
I have to get one of these.
Agreed, everyone should have one. Go for it!
Nice article… and I like you with background draw children. just information in indonesia machete called PARANG. and each area have the names of PARANG (separate big knife) according to its Ianguage.
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machetes… who ever managed without them
Machetes may be useful, but I find it easier to carry around a good pocket knife. Almost as useful, and considerably less likely to get you arrested (in the States, that is).
Hey florb3, this is true… a pocketknife is definitely a bit less conspicuous but also a little less fun… go big or go home!
i can buy heheheheheheh i kill zombie
buy now,when ?
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oooo, just got my machete from Amazon today, then saw ur post. Coconuts + Bananas + Hawaii = need a good machete at all times! I got the KA-BAR Kukri and it’s small for me, but weighted, nice curve, supa sweeet. (+ only $45 with free shipping — uh, in Kauai that’s a supa deal!) I just want to chop everything right now. Of course first thing I did was cut my finger with it’s razor sharp blade, just to get that idiotic maneuver out of the way. xo
eek coconutgirl, be careful with that thing! have an awesome time in hawaii and enjoy all of your freshly cracked coconuts!
swords for life.
machete… machete everywhere
seems like they use machete in baseball too
also in barbershop
also in school
also in steakhouses, they serve the steak with fork and machete
awesome!
Hey khalifafilardha, thanks for your highly poetic comment. At first I thought it was a machete haiku, which would have been amazing. Alas, I counted the syllables and it’s not. Big props to you if you can come back with one
In any case, thanks for reading the blog and for leaving a note!
Parker
I am highly amused… and terrified!
Yeah, definitely takes some getting used to to see tons of dangerous weapons everyday… guess this shows you can get used to pretty much anything!
To be very honest, one day I hope to have a collection of such Machetes. And not just Machetes, but also other similar weapons like what the Gorkha tribes here in India have, called a ‘Khukri’ or the Nepalese have the ‘Nepala’! I don’t know what am I going to do with them, but it would be cool to keep ‘em hanging on the walls (probably).
Hey Aabhash, good luck with your collection. Machetes are prolific down here in Nicaragua, so I’d recommend a trip down here to grab a few
Yeah! A brown guy trying to fly in a few machetes, that would workout just fine.
But a trip to Nicaragua may be possible in the distant future.
Well, I think I would have to get over my fear of sharp knives first before I could handle one of these. You obviously don’t have that problem, seeing as you can handle not just one, but two machetes at a time! Although, I think you need a bandana tied around your head and a fake mustache (one of those really thick ones), with maybe a couple of leather necklaces and some fierce animal teeth on the ends, to complete the outfit and make you look more menacing and serious–which is exactly how I picture people looking who carry machetes around.
Hey rtcrita, thanks for the suggestions! You’re absolutely right – a bandana and a mustache (not a puny one, like a really impressive one) would really complete the look. I’ll try to make that happen and post a picture
Thanks for checking my blog!
Great post! I always did have a thing for massive axes/knives. There’s no feeling quite like slashing your way through a jungle!
Yep, hacking through a jungle is a great way to wake up in the morning. Much better than Folger’s in your cup
Nice insight into the life of Nicaragua…Looking forward to the “Let’s Talk About…” series : )
Thanks, Rahul. I really appreciate it! There’s more to come, so keep checking back!
You’re awesome. I am HBS 99 and am not wielding machetes. Clearly, a new class was added. Or, you are just way cooler. I have a feeling it is the latter. : )
Kathy
Hey Kathy! Thanks so much for your nice comments…Alas, I can’t take credit for being cool or awesome, it was all the machetes. They add a certain “Je ne sais quoi”, don’t you think? I’d love to hear more about your experiences at and post-HBS. I’m starting in the Fall and can’t wait!
Parker
You missed on point off your list……. Zombies. Almost all Zombies fear a good machete as it can cleanly carve open there head (a zombie’s weak point!)
Hey Dan, thank you SO much for letting me know. I’ve been looking for a good way to protect myself from zombies recently, so it’s great to know that machetes are the answer to this conundrum. You may have saved my life! – MBAdventure
Ah, your post brings images from my recent sojourn in East Timor, another country where the machete is a standard accessory. When school started back after the summer break, I noticed all the kids seemed to be going to school brandishing machetes and knives of various kinds. Alarming. Upon inquiry, I was told that they had to bring their weapons to school in order to cut the grass. Can you imagine a school in Australia (where I am) or USA, or other parts of the world, saying to the students, “Please make sure you come to school with your knives tomorrow. No knife, no school!” etc.
I too was very sad no to be able to bring my handcrafted machete back home. But the people I gave it to were thrilled to have a spare on hand.
Oh yes, machetes are great ! Ever heard about the Rwanda genocide during 1994 ? 800.000 people killed in only three months… with just machetes. No guns, no planes, no bombs, no nothing industrial but simple primitive long flat pieces of sharpened steel with an handle. 800.000 people killed in only three months that’s equal to 6 millions people killed (one shoah) within just 22 months and a half, which is a little bit LESS than two years. For the shoah, the Nazis needed TWICE that time, and an incredibly complex organisation. Rwanda genocide by hand-machete was done in a way almost three times more efficiently (2.72 to be precise) than the industrial shoah. African people can be more than two times more efficient than Germans of the indusrtial era ! Machetes are indeed great…
Should you which to buy a machete, think about a modernized version : http://www.sword-buyers-guide.com/cold-steel-katana-machete.html
Machetes are very familiar to me and probably to most people living here in the Philippines. We locally call it as “itak”. These do have very essential uses in the everyday lives of Filipinos-similar to the uses cited above. Great post! Very rural.
Thanks for the nice comment, enrimanalang! Be careful with your machete
what were u doing
Checking up a school construction site way out in a rural area of Nicaragua where machetes abound
As an American (from Wyoming no less) staying in England for the summer, it is interesting to hear your thoughts on the machete and to see how they are used there. I’m not even allowed to carry a pocket knife here legally… and I am missing my Cold Steel Recon folder every day. Basically, no one in the UK is allowed anything more threatening than a rubber spatula. Nice blog, interesting topic.
Hey obsidianchaos, thanks so much for the nice comment! Sorry about the UK restrictions…guess they don’t embrace the right to bear arms the way Nicaragua does. Celebrate your return to the states by buying a machete!
Lol. Will do. I used to have a good corn knife somewhere but someone borrowed it. I guess any excuse to buy a new machete is a good one.
I can imagine many ways in which a machete would come in handy. Personally, I’m in the market for some sort of mini-scythe that I can use to annihilate all the weeds in my yard… I tried just grazing my horses out there but they definitely have plant preferences and they ignored the weeds in favor of the juicy and delicious grass. Traitors.
Jason Voorhese and Hollywood would agree with you, but nothing beats a katana. I’m curious though, did you wake up thinking “I’m going to look at machetes today”? This blog just screams randomness, which we crazy internet people like.
Hey smartassindian, there is truly no end to the random topics floating around in my head. This one in particular was inspired my current third-world life in rural Nicaragua. There’s more randomness to come, so check back…thanks for reading!
Excellent post…when Spanish colonized Cuba they’d bring a lot of African slaves for the hard work at the farming sugar cane plantation… with time, the Machete (the only instrument to cut the sugar cane manually) reveal as the most scary weapon in the hand of the Cuban “Mambises and slaves”… Spanish forces retreat
only when listen the call of “Al Machete” coming over…
So the Machete help to free an opressed Country…
Nice to read your treads